Freedom: It's an Inside Job!

In letting go we are free.  Its that simple and that difficult all at once. The issue of bondage is in the head.  We become attached to ideas, thoughts, people and places and when it is time to move on, we tenaciously cling. This is where the suffering begins, but the good news is, it is where the healing begins as well.  

Freedom begins the moment we let go of our limiting beliefs and the thoughts and ideas that no longer serve us.  

It sounds easy, but it’s an intense discipline that takes continuous practice.  In the book of Romans, Paul writes: “do not conform to the patterns of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” When I first read that, I memorized and used it as a touchstone to remind me how to find freedom and transformation.  We move beyond the patterns of suffering by training the mind.  This idea is reinforced in the yoga sutras when they explain the two wings of the spiritual journey of yoking or integrating mind, body and Spirit as abhyasa(practice), and vairagya (renunciation –letting go).  It has taken me countless years of practice and letting go to experience a taste of freedom.  It is the sort of freedom that is worth fighting for.  

I recently hit a rough patch in my journey.  Although I was teaching about freedom and letting go, inside I was suffering.  When I feel overwhelmed, sometimes I just put myself to bed in hopes of rebooting the system.  I fell into a deep and restorative sleep instantly.  When my alarm sounded an hour later, I awoke with the words of my wise teacher in my head.  “As long as you cling, you will suffer.”  I had to turn in and scan my mind, body, and heart for the clenched fist, only to find I had grabbed onto my college aged son with two hands.  Although I sent him away to college and let go 2 months prior, I keep trying to hold tightly to the reigns of control and guide him from afar.  It is not working and so…. I suffer.  I relinquish control and ahhh I am free.  He is on a journey and my job is to love and trust and let go… moment by moment and breath by precious breath.

Called to more

In his hand was placed a trowel and on his rear a swift kick that said “Go! Survive, kid!”  At the ripe and tender age of 18, my husband, Kevin, was on his own.  Shortly after he graduated High School, he had to find an apartment and get to work.  For most kids his age, it was a summer of careless freedom and profound expansion.  Kevin was forced to grow up too soon.  He was shackled with responsibility and a desperate need to survive.

 Kevin got a job laboring for a masonry restoration company during the day, and he went to school in the evening.  He dreamed of being an architect and building something from the pile of rubble that he had been given.  He was determined to rise above his circumstances and be successful.  He trudged away at his education for years, like building something one brick at a time.  After we got married and had our second child, the financial strain and need for his presence at home after work was too great.  He decided to put his education on hold and start his own business.  He built a successful masonry company from a guy in a pick up truck doing side jobs to a corporation with employees to lead.  He flourished and loved being able to provide.  He did so well, that I was able to quit my teaching job and stay home to raise our four children.  In my eyes, he was a huge success. 

Kevin knew he was capable of so much more.  A sense of discontent was growing in him as he watched me engage in meaningful work and ministry.  He said, “You help people!  All I do is make money and provide.”  This nagging feeling that there must be something more for him kept him wrestling and wondering.  One day he declared that he was taking the winter off and going back to school to finish up his degree.  In just two semesters, he earned his bachelor’s degree and applied for grad school.  He studied relentlessly for the GRE in hopes of getting his Masters in Counseling so he could help the fatherless.  He knew his calling was connected to his own story of father absence and neglect, but he didn’t know exactly how he was supposed to make a difference in this area. 

After not getting in to the graduate program of his choice, Kevin got discouraged and began to question if this was the best next step.  It was at this time that he began training for the “Dad’s Honor Ride.” This three-week long bike ride went from Boston to Chicago and focused on raising awareness and funds for father absence.  In his training and over the course of the one week of the ride that he was able to participate in, Kevin began to accept that now is not the right time to get his master’s degree.  As he stepped away from the daily grind, he began to hear a call coming from another direction.  Through the process of prayer and discernment, he has decided to focus on mind/body/Spirit health and integration.  He registered for an on-line personal training program to study and learn how to help people achieve better holistic health.

Shortly after he made this decision, a friend reached out to him about the possibility of helping to open a faith based gym in this area.  The thought of doing something that he was passionate about infused Kevin with hope and joy.  For the first time in his life, he was following his heart’s desire rather than muscling through a major life decision.  Together, we are standing at a crossroads in awe of God’s provision and leadership.  We are humbly surrendering and seeking His will.  We are resting in the truth that He is a God of second chances and He is also a good father who has a plan to prosper Kevin and use every ounce of his pain of father absence for the Glory of His kingdom.  We don’t know the end of the story, but we are so thankful to be on this journey.

In his hand he holds possibility and by his side he has a tribe of people that love and believe in him.  This man has come so far and we wait expectantly as God turns the tables and helps him navigate from a place of survival to a place where he can thrive and make a difference.  

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

Be Quiet

"In silence we leave the many and return to the One." Mama Maggie Gobran

Silence is a state of mind.  It is a choice that I make regardless of my circumstances.  It is a reservoir deep within my being.  A soft and comfy landing that always awaits my return.  It feels like home and I have worn the path to its door countless times, sometimes gently strolling while other times running for my life.  The more I turn in and visit this inner place of peace and power the more easily accessible it is in the midst of daily challenges.  Finding the silence within my heart has not always been and is still not always easy.  It is a discipline and has taken years of practice to hone the skill of returning to the stillness of my soul and quieting my swirling mind.

I began meditating regularly when my 4th child was a baby; 10 years ago.  I felt as if my life depended on it and I was terrible at it.  I struggled and wrestled with every moment of it and the judgmental voice within me was brutal.  Instead of gaining a calm respite from my chaotic reality, it felt like going into a boxing ring with Rambo who bludgeoned and mocked me with every breath.  I clung tenaciously to my new tools that I had learned and eagerly anticipated the sound of the harp on my telephone which excused me from my time of torture/ training.  For some reason, I kept coming back for more, like a glutton for punishment.  

I remember praying that God’s peace would be in me.  I remember catching moments and glimpses of this glistening stillness pregnant with possibility and then like a pin prick on a bubble it was gone.  I would search desperately to find the quiet and it alluded me.  The peace that was as strong as a river one moment evaporated in the very next and I was back to my agitated reactionary self that I was trying desperately to take out with the trash.  There were impatient and reactive places in me that were as real as the nose on my face.  The more I tried to erase them the stronger they got.

This game of sitting and tasting stillness that was fleeting went on for years.  I am not sure when the shift happened, but it did.  One day I tasted a banquet of the peace that transcends human understanding in my quiet time, but the real gift was the fact that this stillness stayed with me as I got off my cushion and stepped into the world.  As I made breakfast and lunches for the kids and the familiar chaos and noise began to kick up dust and press my buttons, I returned to the stillness of my heart.  I breathed deeply and hummed a tune in my heart "I got peace like a river in my soul..." I have moments of forgetting every single day, but I have learned to be kind to myself in this lifelong journey toward abiding in the presence of God.  He is ever present awaiting my return.  Some days I need to turn back to him moment by moment and breath by breath and other times, His presence is so strong and steady that I couldn't miss him if I tried.  My hope in telling you this is to encourage you to stick with it as long as it takes, because the quality of life anchored in this stillness is worthy of the wait.

Jesus healed the sick, gave sight to the blind, turned water into wine. He was a very busy man and yet he made stillness and quiet a priority. He retreated regularly to be alone with his father.  This is meditation, and we are called to follow him.  I have made excuses and have heard every excuse in the book as to why people can’t or won’t meditate.  I challenge you today to begin.  Start small; a minute or two will do.  Set your phone timer, close your eyes and turn your attention to your breath.  Just begin to notice the breath entering and exiting the nose.  Let all of your attention rest on your life giving breath.  Breath translates as Spirit.  When you meditate in this way you are choosing to connect to the Holy Spirit that is within and all around you.  With each inhale, breathe in and invite the Light.  Soften to receive it.  With each exhale, let go.  Release the tension and the stress you are carrying in the form of thought, fear, control, bitterness, and pain in the body. There is a Chinese proverb that says “stress is who you think you are and relaxation is who you really are.”  Just BE in God’s peace!

Resistance to Care

Every time the flight attendant on the airplane instructs me to put the oxygen mask over my own face before tending to my children, it reminds me of the importance of self care.  This tendency to take care of ourselves first somehow gets lost in the daily acts of caring for all those around us.  It seems selfish and counter intuitive to do things for yourself.  Self care or asking for care is taboo in our culture.   Most of us are over-functioning and running on empty feeling exhausted and depleted and proud of the way we are getting it all done.  We are moving so quickly and don’t realize we have a need until we are broken down on the side of the road with no idea of how we got there.  This resistance to care is familiar to most human beings and it is the very thing we at SOW that… hope to eradicate.  When every person in the world takes better care of themselves, every person in the world will feel better taken care of.  Then, and only then, will we finally be able to take better care of others.  Caring for others begins with putting your oxygen mask on first!

How do you take care of you?  The first step is to “Be still and know.” When we enter the quiet and push pause on all activity, we learn the importance of being present and begin to experience the peace that is always there.  When you give yourself time to simply be, you begin to realize that you are enough as you are and that you are worthy of care.  Once you return to this simple truth, a profound paradigm shift happens and you are able to allow yourself to receive again. 

Why is it so hard to receive?  Brene Brown said that if you have a hard time receiving, you have unwittingly bound shame to need.  This is where the work begins!  The work of mining your story for the place where the vows were made and your heart turned to self preservation.  I remember being small and powerless.  I remember wanting much more and not having any ability to change that reality and so I cut out the need and the desire at the root.  Growing up in a household with 11 children created a bit of a scarcity complex and at the time, the vow I made to never need anything was good and helpful, but today it is not.  The work in identifying where the vow was made requires for you to enter the grief of the story.  To acknowledge what was hard and painful is to clear away debris so the light can enter again.  Where my heart once held despair and grief, it now has been enlarged to hold hope and desire.  This is not an easy task and with it comes much resistance.  We often want the end result of greater intimacy and freedom, but there seems to be a ten-foot brick wall between us and what we long for.  Our deepest desire in community is to be seen and loved, but for some reason, we hide and resist the love that’s extended.  Once you realize that you are blocking the flow of connection and love, you can finally begin to lay down your arms and humbly receive.

Name and acknowledge the resistance:  How do you feel about taking time for yourself or asking for care?

We invite you to join us for a night of self care where you will engage your body mind and Soul for the sake of integration, healing, and deep connection.  Click on "Classes" to learn about and sign up for our next connection night and our Mini Retreat coming up in June.  

LOVE YOURSELF

You are a child

Worthy of love

You have been chosen

By the father above

You are supported

Surrender the fear

You Belong

The community is here

You are forgiven

Whatever the crime

You are free

Now is your time

You are healthy

Mind, body, Soul

You are calm

Already whole

You are strong

Ready to soar

You are healed

Walk through the door

You are beautiful

Broken and bruised

You are restored

What will you do?